It happens. The description says one thing but the reality is a bit different. Its almost expected really when it comes to advertising. The manufacturer is trying to sell you stuff so they bend over backwards to be able to tell you what you want to hear. It almost makes saying NOT AS advertised redundant. But I’ve become fixated a bit lately, and its all because of a trail down in Sierra Vista. Fair warning here, if you continue reading this thing is only held together loosely by a slightly neurotic theme.

When you think cycling and not as advertised there’s enough out there for multiple posts. But two things that stick out in my mind are claimed weights of tires and doping. While the absurdity of advertised weights is a fun rant all its own I’m going to just get right to Lance Armstrong.  Nothing against the guy really. And I’m not going at the alleged doping angle either, at this point they are all tranquillo in my mind. But what does get me is the alleged come-back. There is no comeback. Lance Armstrong, the guy who one all those races in France, he ain’t back. There’s a guy that looks like an older version of him. But that guy is Lance Armstrong, who gets dropped by Levi’s viscous lead out at the Tour of Gila. And we all know that immense turn of speed that Levi is capable. If your missing the sarcasm then pay a bit more attention to the Giro where he’s still trying to sprint his way out of the wet paper bag that DiLuca stuck him in. Sure DiLuca is probably a dope fuled fraud and climbing-sprinting-former-Giro-winning phenom Damiano “cycling is going fast” Cunego is probably the Giro’s canary in the coal mine. But the point still stands that if you get dropped in a sprint finish by Levi you’re in trouble. And it wasn’t even the pretentiously beautiful Cipollini style riding in the world champ jersey only need one more Giro stage victory to break some ancient record put your train on the front who kills it so hard that practically no one is left to sprint but when its time to hop off the wheel you sit up because you’d rather not risk finishing second. That’s what Lance Armstrong would have done. But what we’re dealing with here is Lance II who asks Levi to lead him out in a sprint against one other guy in a domestic race that Pro Tour teams aren’t even allowed to race and then he gets dropped while saying ‘ey Levi slow down. Yes we should listen when he talks down his aspirations, we should probably not buy Lance II paraphernalia in anticipation of the Tour. But he makes it so hard. Lance II gets all the press and shows up on his special pretty bike of the day and tries to limit his losses on the first day of mountains. It just tears you apart inside. Not really, but it does make you wish someone would smack Lance II and explain to him that domestiques detonate themselves on the lower slopes of the climb to shred the pack for their leader, and then they are allowed to pace themselves to save their legs for tomorrow.

Wow, having gotten that out of the way I feel much better actually. So the trail that I mentioned earlier is the Perimeter Trail / John Cooper Loop down in Sierra Vista AZ. The trail came to my attention on a local (Tucson) mountain bike forum when somebody posted it up as a must ride. Now I’m not quite naive enough to pack up the car and drive 90 miles one way to hit up a 10 mile trail just because it was some-body’s version of a must-ride: “We rode this yesterday for the 3rd time, it really is a “must ride trail”
This is about a 2.5 hour loop.Has a long climb with lots of rocky obstacles, a fun descent down into a beautiful meadow, and a shady wooded area. Few miles up a fire road, and then a rocky descent, followed by a fast swoopy descent next to a creek that will make you hoot and holler!! Not a beginner trail!! Very rocky in places. It is 10 degrees or more cooler than Tucson, and lots of shady spots to take breaks.” But the description of trees and shade and gets your attention when its been hitting 100 degrees around here.

I also was on an explore new trails kick and had extinguished any novel options up on Mount Lemmon. So I packed the car and headed for some trees and shade and hoped that “one of the funnest downhills around anywhere!!! It follows the creek and crosses from the left of it to the right in one spot. It is a tiny bit sandy in places, but very fast!! It has fast bermy corners, and places where you zig-zag through the trees and over roots, and then hits some really fun rocky sections connected by swoopy sections. If you don’t have fun on this downhill, take up needlepoint or something!!! As you get toward the bottom there are a couple trails that take you out near the vehicle to the left. If you see a water tank, don’t keep going, take a left cross the creek,and you will come out just down the hill from where you parked. Now drive home with a great big grin on your face,” would be an added bonus.

And as you might guess by the theme, the trail wasn’t quite as advertised. There where trees but the shade was a bit sporadic. And the trail itself, at least the part described was fairly meh. The downhill was a bit meh, the rocky technical stuff was very meh as it just kind of created choppiness that disrupted the flow rather than adding much in the way of challenge, and I’m just not the hoot and holler type so their wasn’t much of that either. Yes the scenery was nice from the trail, but even that too felt a bit lacking within the context, think something trying to be a mountain and a forest in the middle of an endless plain with a trail making a little oval at its base.

Still I did have a good ride. But how is that possible? Well there wasn’t much shade from the trees but a nice cloud cover parked itself over the area. And the clouds while trying their best to create a downpour managed to get sporadic drops to hit the ground, quite perfect to keep down the temp and the dust.  My original plan was to make a day of the ride and knock out 2 or 3 laps. But after having started with the “best ever downhill” and not really motivated to deal with the rest of the trail I thought about cutting things short after a lap. Lame right.

So I couldn’t just leave it like that. Instead I chose to ride the dirt access road that went up the mountain. And this is where things took a decided turn for the better. Partly because the access road was unadvertised and I had no expectations going into it. Partly because I have some ingrained need to follow any upward slanted trail to the top of whatever is up there. And partly because the road turned out to be completely implausible. The mountain had the usual gentle sweeping slope upward at its base. Trails and roads are logical on this grade. But then the thing just kicked upward with a significant amount of it being a vertical face. It didn’t look like there was any room to put a dirt road. And the feeling only intensified with every switchback. I kept expecting something to open up, to catch a glimpse of the ramps going up. But each turn hid the next. And somehow the road kept swinging out to the edge of a never ending cliff with views of more cliff.

The elevation brought colder air and thicker rain drops adding to the visceral impact of the cliff faces. The effect was a dramatic change in the context of the scenery. The mountain was no longer the island floating in vast see but this imposing tower physically raising you above the plain below. At the top, was a forest covering a plateau interrupted by peaks and ridges. This wasn’t just a patch of trees clinging to the edges of a stream or a continuous transition from desert to plain to wood, but a decidedly separate place removed from the surroundings below. And in this renewed context the trail, at least the dirt road, became a must ride. Not the kind of must ride that I recommend everyone to head down to Sierra Vista. But the kind of must ride that every cyclist should experience, unexpectedly.

Wicked, but still not quite what was billed. Strange thing to get me fixated on a not as advertised kick.